Trusting ourselves as we heal.

It’s easy to forget, when we’ve been out of high control spaces for some time, that we used to believe some pretty whacky things! When we understand we were trying to find ways to feel more in control and certain about life, it sort of makes sense. And certainly it was part of our belonging in the groups we were in.

Nobody joins cults or high control religions, we join groups where we feel like we can find our place and be part of something bigger than ourselves.

I have a client who grew up in a Christian denomination that prioritised and highly valued physical health. We had a giggle recently about the creator of Cornflakes being a very earnest Christian man who was concerned that food was too arousing and was causing people to sin. 

So he felt he needed to create plain foods, foods that were just for eating, foods that ensured people wouldn’t feel any desire in their bodies. We had a good laugh but also thought about how it’s these sorts of rigid and committed viewpoints that cause us to actually become disembodied. 

My own experience and that of so many of my clients is one of disembodiment and disconnection from ourselves, our bodies, our desires within high control and high demand, cult-like settings. We are taught that the flesh is evil and not to be trusted, we actively and explicitly learn and practice suppression of, desire of all kinds whether it’s sexual or just the need for rest, the desire for peace or happiness.

My client and so many others expressed how hard it can be to trust ourselves coming out of these spaces and learn what is ok to feel and what is ours to enjoy.  

I love food, I love the joy it brings, I love the colours, the textures, the tactile practice of preparing meals and of course the taste. I’m so sad that so many of us were taught this could be wrong or a path to sin. Learning to trust ourselves, our body and its desires and the ways in which we are being led by these, not led astray, is a powerful part of our healing from religious trauma.

Jane