Navigating the Complexities of Spiritual Gaslighting
Spiritual gaslighting is a complex and often insidious phenomenon that can profoundly impact our sense of self and our emotional well-being. Whether it comes from the external voices of others or the internal dialogues we have with ourselves, it distorts our reality and makes us question our worthiness. In this blog, I’ll explore the nature of spiritual gaslighting, how it manifests in our lives, and provide insights into the healing journey we can embark on.
What Is Spiritual Gaslighting
At its core, spiritual gaslighting involves manipulation that distorts a person's perception of reality within the context of spirituality or religious beliefs. It leads us to doubt our feelings, experiences, and even our very existence, often telling us that we are wrong for feeling what we feel. This phenomenon can arise from two primary sources: the voices of others and our internal self-talk.
Spiritual Gaslighting From Others
When spiritual gaslighting comes from external sources—such as family members, religious leaders, or faith communities—it often manifests in ways that are damaging and controlling. Those who engage in this behavior may dismiss your feelings outright, labeling them as sinful or misguided. This dismissal can leave you feeling isolated, as if your experiences are invalid and unworthy of acknowledgment.
For instance, imagine sharing a struggle with someone in your faith community, only to hear them say, “You just need to pray harder,” or “You must not have enough faith.” Such responses not only minimise your feelings but also create a sense of shame, suggesting that your emotional pain is a reflection of your spiritual inadequacy.
In my own journey, I have faced moments where my emotions were brushed aside in the name of faith. The voices around me insisted that questioning or feeling hurt was a sign of weakness. Instead of feeling supported, I felt trapped in expectations and norms that demanded I conform to an ideal that simply didn’t fit my reality.
Self-Spiritual Gaslighting
On the other hand, we can also become complicit in our own gaslighting. Self-spiritual gaslighting occurs when we internalise these harmful messages and begin to question our own emotions and experiences. We might dismiss our pain as unworthy of attention, believing that if we were just more faithful or accepting, we wouldn't feel so lost.
This inner dialogue can be cruel and relentless, leading us to engage in spiritual bypassing, where we use our faith to sidestep the messiness of our emotions.
In these moments, we might tell ourselves things like, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” or “I’m being selfish for wanting to express my hurt.” These thoughts become an internal prison, isolating us further and deepening our sense of shame.
I have had times when I found myself caught in this cycle, thinking that if I just prayed more or focused on gratitude, my struggles would disappear. But instead of healing, I found myself buried under layers of guilt and self-judgment.
The Role Of Shame
Shame plays a pivotal role in both forms of spiritual gaslighting. It is a corrosive emotion that convinces us there is something inherently wrong with us. It makes us believe we are unworthy of love, acceptance, and understanding. When we are subjected to spiritual gaslighting, shame tells us that not only are we wrong for feeling hurt, but that we are spiritually inadequate for even having those feelings.
This interplay between shame and gaslighting creates a cycle that can be challenging to break. We begin to internalise the belief that our emotions are flawed and that seeking help is a sign of weakness. Instead of expressing our feelings, we hide them away, reinforcing the very narratives that hold us captive.
Recognising The Symptoms
Awareness is the first step toward healing. Here are a few common symptoms of spiritual gaslighting that may indicate it’s impacting your life:
Constant self-doubt: You frequently question your feelings and perceptions, unsure of what is valid or true.
Feelings of inadequacy: You feel that you are not “spiritual enough” or that your faith is lacking because of your emotional struggles.
Isolation: You withdraw from supportive relationships, fearing judgment or dismissal from those who do not understand your experiences.
Avoidance of emotions: You find yourself using spirituality to bypass difficult feelings instead of facing them head-on.
Recognising these symptoms can help you understand the impact of spiritual gaslighting in your life and begin to address it.
Pathway To Healing
The journey toward healing from spiritual gaslighting requires both courage and self-compassion. Here are some key steps to consider:
Cultivate Self-Compassion: Begin by acknowledging your feelings as valid. Understand that it is okay to feel hurt, confused, or lost. Offer yourself the same kindness you would give a friend in a similar situation.
Seek Connection: Open up to trusted friends or a therapist about your experiences. Sharing your story can provide relief and remind you that you are not alone in your struggles. Connection fosters understanding and healing.
Set Healthy Boundaries: Protect your emotional well-being by setting boundaries with those who engage in gaslighting behaviors. You have the right to prioritise your mental health and seek environments that nurture rather than diminish your spirit.
Practice Truth-Telling: Honesty with yourself and others is a vital part of the healing process. Speak your truth, whether in a journal, a conversation with a trusted confidant, or in therapy. Reclaim your narrative and push back against invalidation.
Empower Yourself: Embrace your journey and recognise that your feelings are not wrong. You deserve to seek healing and connection without guilt. Empowerment comes from owning your story and finding strength in vulnerability.
Seek Professional Support
Therapy can be a transformative tool in navigating the complexities of spiritual gaslighting. A skilled therapist can help you unpack these experiences, challenge the narratives you’ve internalised, and foster a sense of empowerment. They provide a safe space for you to explore your feelings, understand the impacts of shame and gaslighting, and develop coping strategies.
You can find a list of our Practitioners who work with religious trauma in Australia & New Zealand.
Reclaim Your Voice
Spiritual gaslighting can distort our understanding of ourselves and our experiences, whether it comes from others or from within. Acknowledging its presence is the first step toward healing.
Remember that your emotions are valid, and you deserve to reclaim your voice and your story.
Healing is not a solitary journey; it is a collective process that flourishes in community and connection. Let’s break the silence around spiritual gaslighting together and foster a space where everyone feels worthy of love and acceptance.
Your voice matters, and your journey is significant.
If you would like to connect or join the conversation follow us over on Instagram - @thereligioustraumacollective
