Finding Freedom in Feeling
Have you ever felt like shutting off your emotions was the only way to protect yourself? I know I have. After years in a high-control religious environment, I learned to see my emotions as dangerous, something to monitor, suppress, or even fear. Anger meant rebellion, sadness showed a lack of faith, and even joy felt suspect if it didn’t align with religious expectations.
Over time, I began to lose touch with my emotions entirely. I either avoided them to stay "safe," or they overwhelmed me, crashing over me like a wave I couldn’t escape. Religious trauma has a way of teaching us that our emotions are too big, too messy, or too wrong to trust, leaving us disconnected from one of the most essential parts of ourselves.
The Struggle to Reclaim Emotional Safety
Rebuilding my relationship with emotions has been one of the hardest and most rewarding parts of my healing journey. At first, I wasn’t sure where to begin. Every time I felt anger, guilt would immediately follow. Every time I let myself cry, I heard echoes of old voices telling me to "have more faith."
It took time, but I learned to create a space where my emotions could exist without judgment. For me, this started with allowing my emotions to simply exist. I would write notice how I was feeling, no matter how messy or contradictory it seemed. At first, it felt foreign, almost like I was breaking a rule. But slowly, I began to see that my emotions weren’t something to fear, they were signals, trying to tell me something about my needs and experiences.
A Framework for Holding Emotions
To make sense of my emotions, I began using a simple framework:
Awareness: I started paying attention to my body. Was my chest tight? Was my stomach in knots? These physical sensations often pointed me toward emotions I had learned to ignore.
Acknowledgment: Naming my emotions was a game-changer. Instead of labeling my anger as “wrong” or my sadness as “weakness,” I simply acknowledged them for what they were. "I feel frustrated." "I feel hurt."
Acceptance: This was the hardest step. Accepting my emotions without trying to fix or judge them felt radical. But I reminded myself that emotions are natural, they’re part of what makes us human.
Attendance: Finally, I asked myself, “What do I need right now?” Sometimes it was rest. Other times it was talking to a friend or stepping outside to clear my mind, or making an appointment with my therapist.
This process gave me a way to hold my emotions gently, with curiosity rather than fear.
Breaking Free from Emotional Judgment
One of the most freeing moments for me was allowing myself to feel anger without guilt. I remember a time when I was reflecting on a particularly hurtful experience from my religious past. Anger bubbled up, and for once, I didn’t push it down. I let it rise. I let it exist. And I realised that anger wasn’t my enemy, it was a sign that something deeply important to me had been violated.
Similarly, I began to let myself feel sadness without rushing to fix it. I gave myself permission to grieve what I had lost: the sense of certainty, the community, even the version of myself I thought I’d always be. And slowly, joy began to surface right alongside the sadness, not as something forced or manufactured, but as a natural part of my healing.
You Deserve to Feel
If you’re on this journey, I want you to know that your emotions are not flaws or failures. They are valid, vital parts of your story. They can guide you toward healing, help you reconnect with yourself, and remind you of your humanity.
You deserve to feel fully, freely, and without fear. It’s okay to start small, pausing to notice your emotions, naming them without judgment, or simply allowing yourself to sit with them. Healing is not about perfection; it’s about making space for all parts of you to exist.
You’re not broken. You’re finding your way back to yourself, one step at a time. Let your emotions guide you, they’re not something to fear, but something to embrace.