Spiritual Abuse Awareness Month: Shedding Light on a Silent Struggle

Spiritual abuse is a term that might feel nebulous or distant to some, yet its impacts are deeply personal and often life-altering for those who have endured it. As we mark Spiritual Abuse Awareness Month, it’s vital to pause, reflect, and amplify the voices of those who’ve experienced harm in spaces meant to offer safety, connection, and love.

For many of us at the Religious Trauma Collective, this isn’t just a theoretical topic; it’s personal. It’s the memories of being told that doubt was a sign of weakness, that obedience was the highest virtue, and that our worth depended on meeting impossible spiritual standards. It’s the experience of having our questions silenced and our authentic selves erased in the name of faith.

Spiritual abuse thrives in the shadows, often masquerading as care, discipline, or authority. Its subtlety is what makes it so pervasive—and so hard to name.

What Is Spiritual Abuse

At its core, spiritual abuse is the misuse of religious beliefs, practices, or authority to control, manipulate, or harm. It can take many forms:

• Leaders weaponising scripture to enforce compliance or submission.

• Parents using spiritual teachings to justify neglect or violence.

• Communities shaming individuals for their identity, choices, or questions.

For many survivors, spiritual abuse isn’t one loud, defining moment; it’s the quiet erosion of self. It’s the heavy weight of shame, the internalised belief that you are inherently bad or broken, and the painful isolation from family, friends, or faith communities when you begin to step away.

This abuse often overlaps with religious trauma, creating a tangle of emotional, psychological, and spiritual wounds that can feel impossible to navigate.

Recognising The Impact

The scars left by spiritual abuse are profound. Survivors often carry deep feelings of shame, fear, and self-doubt. Common impacts include:

• Identity confusion: When your sense of self has been shaped by an abusive framework, breaking free can leave you feeling unmoored.

• Hypervigilance: Survivors may constantly fear judgment or punishment, even long after leaving the harmful environment.

• Relational challenges: Trusting others—or even yourself—can feel impossible when your boundaries were repeatedly violated.

• Spiritual disconnection: For many, the very tools that once offered hope—prayer, scripture, community—become sources of pain and triggers for trauma.

I remember wrestling with these impacts in my own journey. The first time I stepped into therapy to talk about my religious trauma, I couldn’t even say the words “spiritual abuse.” It felt too heavy, too confrontational—like I was accusing someone of something too big to name. But slowly, as the pieces came together, I saw how much harm had been done under the guise of care and righteousness.

The Subtle Forms Of Spiritual Abuse

One of the most insidious aspects of spiritual abuse is how it often hides in plain sight. It can be woven into the fabric of everyday interactions, disguised as care, discipline, or spiritual guidance. It’s not always loud or dramatic—it’s the quiet, persistent undermining of your autonomy, boundaries, and identity that leaves a lasting impact.

It can look like a youth leader teaching that God’s love is conditional on purity, reinforcing the idea that your body is inherently shameful. Or a pastor demanding financial tithes as proof of faith, instilling guilt if you can’t give. It might be a friend or mentor framing difficult questions about faith as “spiritual attack” or “pride,” silencing your curiosity and leaving you feeling isolated.

Then there’s the harm inflicted on those whose identities fall outside the community’s rigid definitions. For LGBTQIA+ individuals, spiritual abuse often takes the form of being prayed over for “healing” or being told that their love is sinful. It’s the subtle shaming of women for stepping outside prescribed gender roles, or the quiet judgment of someone who chooses to leave a harmful marriage.

When these behaviours are normalised, they create an atmosphere of control and fear. You might not even recognise it as abuse because it’s framed as loving correction or concern for your spiritual growth. But the cumulative effect can be devastating—a gradual erosion of your confidence, your voice, and your sense of self.

Spiritual abuse often lurks in these subtle moments, leaving survivors questioning themselves long after they’ve left the environment. Recognising these patterns is the first step toward breaking free and reclaiming your story.

The Path To Healing

While the wounds of spiritual abuse can run deep, healing is possible. It often requires courage, support, and a willingness to rebuild your sense of self and spirituality (or non-spirituality) on your own terms.

Steps Toward Healing

1. Name the Harm

Acknowledging that what you experienced was abuse—not doubt, rebellion, or weakness—is an essential first step. Giving language to your experience helps loosen the grip of shame and isolation.

2. Reclaim Your Story

You are more than what happened to you. Spiritual abuse may have shaped parts of your life, but it does not define you. Rebuilding your identity outside of the framework of harm can be liberating.

3. Seek Support

Finding others who understand your journey can be transformative. Whether through therapy, support groups, or trusted friends, connection fosters healing.

4. Reimagine Spirituality

If spirituality feels like a wound, it’s okay to step away. If you feel drawn to rediscover it, you can explore new ways of connecting with the divine or the world around you. The beauty of healing is that your spirituality—or lack of it—belongs entirely to you.

A Community Of Hope

At the Religious Trauma Collective, we know how isolating spiritual abuse can feel. Many of us have walked the path of unravelling harmful beliefs, grieving what we lost, and tentatively stepping into new ways of living and being.

We’ve witnessed firsthand the resilience of survivors. We’ve seen people reclaim their voices, rebuild relationships, and even find joy again. Healing isn’t linear, and it doesn’t look the same for everyone, but it is possible.

If you’ve experienced spiritual abuse, please know this: you are not alone. Your pain is valid, and your healing matters. Whether you’re just beginning to process your experiences or you’ve been on this journey for years, there is space for you here.

Let this month be a time of raising awareness, sharing stories, and fostering hope. Together, we can shine a light on spiritual abuse and offer a compassionate path toward healing.